The Window I Walked Through: Expanding What I Thought Was Possible After Trauma, Burnout, and Chronic Illness

I’ve held this close to my heart for some time. Some would say I’ve been procrastinating. Others would say I’ve been dragging my feet.

It would be easy to say that the “this” I’ve been procrastinating is the launch of Ventana’s Individual Health Coaching offering for individuals experiencing trauma, burnout, or chronic illness.

Eye-level view of a lush green forest with sunlight filtering through the trees

But the truth is, the barrier to launching wasn’t the offering itself.

It was the fear of being seen.

The Real Reason I Was Afraid to Launch

It was the act of being vulnerable enough to share the tenderest parts of my story publicly. It was the act of unconditionally loving the parts of myself that feel unworthy of financial safety and stability (shout out to a whole lot of Internal Family Systems/IFS parts work). It was the act of observing my inner dialogue when I feel like an imposter.

I call them acts because each one required thousands of small acts of devotion to get me to a place strong enough to write this, much less share it with you.

It showed me how devoted I am to rebuilding both my personal and professional life after trauma, burnout, and chronic illness.

And tackling any one of these takes time.

But a mentor once told me that entrepreneurship serves as the biggest mirror of your internal world.

“It will make you meet parts of yourself that will rattle you, and you must meet them with care.”

So that’s what I’ve been doing.

In the meantime, something else was being built.

The Career I Build Before Everything Changed

The barrier to entry for getting started with the organizational health side of Ventana was much lower.

It was familiar. It was born from years of working as a transformation consultant (which is a fancy way of saying I consulted at the intersection of management and technology projects) in Washington, DC.

It’s what I went to graduate school for - a Master’s in Public Administration focused on creative problem-solving for process and program improvement in the government and nonprofit space.

And when that work led me to managing NASA’s internship program, it became part of my identity. That job was a true dream-come-true moment.

Coaching founders, entrepreneurs, nonprofit leaders, and managers to help improve the organizations they lead was my comfort zone.

I had been doing it for years.

When My Entire World Changed

Then I got what I call “stupid-scary-sick.”

The kind of sick where you genuinely think you might die.

I went on medical leave and little did I know my life - much less my career - would never look the same.

Over the course of a couple of years and more than 200 doctor’s appointments, I finally received diagnoses for:

Long COVID, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME), Endometriosis, Narcolepsy, Fibromyalgia, Autism, and ADHD.

You would think receiving so many diagnoses would be scary.

But honestly, that paled in comparison to the fear of what was on the table before those diagnoses came- early-onset dementia, stroke, cancer.

Those were the possibilities being considered.

(You can learn more about my chronic illness journey on the About Page).

The Years I Spent Surviving

I played small while my world got small.

I got small.

I was a shell of a person. Truly, I was just trying to survive each day - counting down the hours until I could reasonably go to sleep because, ideally, I wouldn’t have to feel the pain while I was sleeping.

And then I made the active decision to rebuild.

Rebuilding My Capacity From the Inside Out

As my capacity changed and expanded, I spent years testing new systems and structures for this mind and body - incorporating new capacity considerations so I could create a more balanced and fulfilling personal and professional life.

My self-worth and confidence were at an all-time low.

So I started slowly.

First, I began coaching founders, entrepreneurs, nonprofit leaders, and managers - helping them increase their organizations’ operational capacity and build healthier, more sustainable systems as they grew.

Then I expanded into coaching individuals experiencing trauma, burnout, and chronic illness - helping them increase their physical, mental, and energetic capacity.

The Transformation I Never Expected

Former me would have said chronic illness destroyed my life.

But present me says trauma, burnout, and chronic illness completely transformed my life. I never would have thought I’d ever add the words “for the better” to that sentence.

But here I am, saying exactly that.

My chronic illness journey completely transformed my life for the better, and I can’t wait to share this beautifully messy, beautifully human journey with you.

The Window I Walked Through

Here I am.

Rebuilt.

Still expanding.

Still dreaming of what exists beyond the window of what I think is possible.

Still with a bit of fear sitting in my chest.

Vulnerable.

Ready to take the leap of sharing Ventana’s individual and organizational health coaching practice with the world.

If you’re ready to take a similar leap, I invite you to follow @_ventana.co on Instagram and share this blog with someone who needs the reminder that rebuilding is possible - that their story is not over, and that there is still so much waiting for them beyond the window of what they thought was possible.

Because sometimes the greatest transformations begin when we stop asking, “Who was I before?” and start asking, “What is still possible from here?”