The Practice of Choosing My Own Pace

What a yoga class reminded me about autonomy, ambition, and honoring my capacity.

The Question That Stopped Me

At the beginning of class, the instructor asked the class,

"Are you someone who does the most... all the time?"

I laughed out loud.

She smiled and replied,

"Then perhaps today, you allow yourself to do less on the mat."

Internally, I rolled my eyes.

Then why are we moving so quickly? Why aren't you cueing us to rest?

A few moments later, it hit me.

Oh. Right. I have autonomy. I get to decide what my practice looks like today.

A person meditates peacefully on a wooden platform, surrounded by misty mountains and lush greenery, embracing tranquility in nature.

Revisiting Old Versions of Myself

Recently, I've been traveling back through the places I've called home, spending time with friends and family along the way. At one point, I laughed to myself when I realized what I was really doing.

I wasn't just visiting people.

I was revisiting versions of myself. The version of me who wanted to go all in on everything.

The one who biked across the country.

Who ran a marathon without training.

Who graduated at the top of her class while working a full-time job and going to school full-time.

Who founded a nonprofit.

Who was ready to marry someone who, looking back, wasn't the right person for me.

The version of me who was fiery and always wanted more fire.

More challenge. More achievement. More stimulation.

More.

Until I burned beyond what I thought was possible.

It was 100 degrees outside? No problem. Let's go to a heated power yoga class.

Then work.

Then a meditation class.

Then groceries.

Then meal prep.

Then call a friend.

Then binge Netflix.

"More" wasn't just my pace. It had become my identity.

When My Body Chose For Me

Then trauma, burnout, and chronic illness disrupted everything I thought I knew about myself.

The pace I had built my identity around was no longer sustainable.

For a long time, I didn't have a choice. My body chose for me.

But over the past several years, as I've rebuilt my life, my nervous system, and my capacity, I've noticed something fascinating.

As my capacity increased, my stimulation seeking increased with it. I could do more.

So I wanted more.

More busyness. More chaos. More movement. More pushing.

It was as if that former version of me had quietly been waiting for permission to come back.

Just because I can do more doesn't mean I have to.

Remembering Who I Am Now

As I was about to move on to the next yoga pose, I found myself again.

The current version of me. She gently interrupted. She wanted less. She craved stillness. Quiet. Grounding.

So I took a breath. Held it at the top of the inhale.

Remembered that I have the capacity to expand. To hold things deeply. To hold more.

Then I let it go.

I exhaled. I paused at the bottom of the breath.

Resting in the sacred stillness. The silence. The emptiness.

Then I let that go, too.

I returned to my natural rhythm.

And I began again.

Healing hasn't taken away my ambition. It's taught me that I get to choose the pace at which I pursue it.

The Practice Was Never About Keeping Up

When I looked around the yoga studio that day, everyone else was still moving through the sequence.

Some were flowing quickly. Some had already moved on to the next pose.

And there I was, lingering in Child's Pose for a few extra breaths.

Not because I couldn't keep up. Because I chose not to.

For the first time in a long time, I wasn't measuring my practice by how much I accomplished. I was measuring it by how deeply I listened.

I honored my own practice.

My own path.

My own pace.

I relaxed into the slowness. I found comfort in the pauses. I turned inward and celebrated something that once felt impossible.

I chose differently. I chose myself.

And as I rolled up my mat, I realized maybe that was the practice all along.

Not becoming the person who could do the most.

But becoming the person who trusted herself enough to decide what was enough. If you're navigating trauma, burnout, or chronic illness and are ready to explore what honoring your capacity could look like, I'd love to walk alongside you. Learn more about Ventana's Individual Health Coaching or begin with the Ventana Capacity Scan.